Today I want to talk about ways that we as parents can encourage our baby to be more independent. An independent baby (and child) is more confident, able to deal with complicated situations on their own, and exhibits stronger motoric, social, and mental skills.
When I meet with parents, I talk about the messages we send to our babies through our behavior around them, and when I mention the importance of developing independence in them, I sometimes see concern in their eyes. It’s understandable. It’s hard to imagine separation in a relationship that begins in such a symbiotic way. but the concept of ‘encouraging independence’ doesn’t mean that your baby is being left alone without your support or protection, it’s about challenging the baby, help them find ways to do more for themself and enrich their ‘bag’ of skills.
Through self-exploration, babies learn how to use their bodies and the things around them, become aware of their abilities and limitations, and learn about the different options available to them. They develop confidence in themselves -not just in their parents – and this confidence allows for more exploration and learning. Even if an attempt was not successful and did not produce the desired result, it created a learning experience for the baby and brought them closer to their goals.
The experience is more important than the outcome.
In what situations can we encourage our baby to be more independent?
In the first few weeks of our baby’s life, we maintain an enveloping, attentive, safe environment, reducing stimuli so as not to overwhelm our baby and giving lots of touch so that they feel our presence and have a sense of security and safety. But even at this age, you can build habits of self-experimentation in your baby. For example, when breastfeeding, try not to push the nipple into their mouth, but give them a few seconds to find it for themselves.
From around three months of age, we can see that babies are becoming more aware of their surroundings. The baby makes sounds, communicates through facial expressions and begins to make voluntary movements. At this stage we try to develop their motor skills so that they can find solutions for their needs and are not always dependent on us. For example, babies who know how to lay their head on the mattress during tummy time can rest if the position becomes difficult and do not need to cry out for their parents to come and ‘rescue’ them. Babies who are learning to roll over can choose the position they find best for the game they are interested in.
The baby’s crawling gets established between six and nine months. This is a crucial milestone for a baby. It marks the first time they can decide on their own where to go. But crawling is not just about acquiring the motor components. If your baby is afraid of moving away from you, unsure of their abilities or feels unsafe without you, they simply won’t begin to crawl. Bring a distant toy closer to your baby but keep it just out of reach. Don’t do all the work for them, but rather use their motivation to reach for the toy to encourage their learning. When they do reach for the toy, celebrate with them and show them how proud you are.
As our children develop from babies to toddlers to children, we will challenge them to be more independent and open to new experiences. We will accompany and support them,but we will not to do everything for them. Such a parental approach will develop in them a sense of self-confidence, they will be more adaptable, brave, sociable and better able to deal with challenges, and these qualities will accompany them for the rest of their lives.